Random Homesick Epiphanies
Accelerating in a focused distraction on the back roads as I approach the Capital District. I switch my driving music from my usual Musiq Soulchild to Nickey Black's "I'm From Albany." I had to admit it, it was good to be home.
I remember the ambition held within my personality as I was relocating. I felt restricted by the negative people surrounding me at my job, in my neighborhood...I swore it was everywhere. Something inside me wouldn't let me stay a little bit longer. I swore to myself many times that I wouldn't come back but I can appreciate how impossible this was.
The first and foremost reason for not following though on this is my mother. Mommy is a whole lot stronger than most people think. Sometimes her strength scares me because I know most people in the world couldn't handle her generous yet spitfire-when-necessary spirit. Like I said in a previous article, she taught me how to use a chain saw. Then again I think to myself [in the words of Ynanna Djehuty], I am my mother's daughter. I just give it time, LOL.
Second, some of the things or people that you may have left behind may not even be there anymore. Whether it was bad memories or the natural process of forgetfulness, you come home to new changes more and more. Third, and for some reason the most confusing for me at this point in my life, coming home is a beautiful reminder of resilience.
There is a song by Joss Stone where she sings in the chorus, "Life is just a big ole' game to me..." Everything that we are taught in life turns into a competition. You become socialized in striving to be the first, biggest and best at everything. But what good is it if a person conquers the whole world while losing the battle with his or her own life after it all? If your not the best, it makes you an absolute failure? I disagree completely.
I was always told to try my best. I did that. I was told to work hard. I did that. I was told I can to whatever I set my mind to and be whatever I aspire to be. I'm doing that now. It was after I got into the work world that those who were supposed to be my supporting colleagues critiqued my M .O. by their slanted views on how they think I should be.
After seven years beyond high school, I understand why I was the odd woman out and I embrace her more than I did before. Trying to do what everyone else is doing is too much work. The 7 or 8 billion people living on this planet have their own definition of what is normal. I know dog-on well that whomever claims to regulate societal normalcy is not paying for my rent, taxes, or insurance.
As I let my overactive brain rest in my old bedroom, I reflect on more thoughts of life's progress while appreciating that warm feeling of being back at home...it could also be my mom's dog laying on my feet. Still, much appreciated.
I remember the ambition held within my personality as I was relocating. I felt restricted by the negative people surrounding me at my job, in my neighborhood...I swore it was everywhere. Something inside me wouldn't let me stay a little bit longer. I swore to myself many times that I wouldn't come back but I can appreciate how impossible this was.
The first and foremost reason for not following though on this is my mother. Mommy is a whole lot stronger than most people think. Sometimes her strength scares me because I know most people in the world couldn't handle her generous yet spitfire-when-necessary spirit. Like I said in a previous article, she taught me how to use a chain saw. Then again I think to myself [in the words of Ynanna Djehuty], I am my mother's daughter. I just give it time, LOL.
Second, some of the things or people that you may have left behind may not even be there anymore. Whether it was bad memories or the natural process of forgetfulness, you come home to new changes more and more. Third, and for some reason the most confusing for me at this point in my life, coming home is a beautiful reminder of resilience.
There is a song by Joss Stone where she sings in the chorus, "Life is just a big ole' game to me..." Everything that we are taught in life turns into a competition. You become socialized in striving to be the first, biggest and best at everything. But what good is it if a person conquers the whole world while losing the battle with his or her own life after it all? If your not the best, it makes you an absolute failure? I disagree completely.
I was always told to try my best. I did that. I was told to work hard. I did that. I was told I can to whatever I set my mind to and be whatever I aspire to be. I'm doing that now. It was after I got into the work world that those who were supposed to be my supporting colleagues critiqued my M .O. by their slanted views on how they think I should be.
After seven years beyond high school, I understand why I was the odd woman out and I embrace her more than I did before. Trying to do what everyone else is doing is too much work. The 7 or 8 billion people living on this planet have their own definition of what is normal. I know dog-on well that whomever claims to regulate societal normalcy is not paying for my rent, taxes, or insurance.
As I let my overactive brain rest in my old bedroom, I reflect on more thoughts of life's progress while appreciating that warm feeling of being back at home...it could also be my mom's dog laying on my feet. Still, much appreciated.
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| Photo courtesy of Matt Stocker. |
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